I was reading a book recently called Help Best — a book about coaching and how to truly help the people in front of you. Most of it resonated the way good coaching books do. But one sentence stopped me cold.
“Over time, a client has to change their friends’ fitness or change their friends to be successful.”
I sat with that for a while. As a coach — someone who has been in this industry for over 14 years and watched hundreds of people walk through the doors of CrossFit Lincoln — I knew exactly what it meant. I had lived it. I had watched my members live it.
And I hadn’t ever said it out loud quite like that.
The Pattern I Keep Seeing
After years of coaching, I’ve noticed a pattern in the people who succeed here and the people who don’t. It’s rarely about the programming. It’s rarely about nutrition knowledge. It’s rarely about effort inside the gym.
It’s about what’s happening outside of it.
The members who thrive long-term almost always have one thing in common: they’ve found community that supports a healthy lifestyle. That might mean their existing friends started joining them here. Or it means they built a new circle — people they met through the gym, a running group, a hiking crew, a walking partner. Their social environment started to align with their goals.
The people who struggled? Many of them were fighting their social environment every single day. Not because their friends were bad people. But because their lifestyle didn’t leave room for what my members were trying to build.
2 Real Stories That Stayed With Me
I worked with a nutrition client for over a year. Smart, motivated, genuinely wanted to change. And every time we had a setback, the story sounded the same: a friend invited her out for drinks, a friend brought over homemade cookies, a friend wanted to celebrate with a big dinner. Every “off the rails” moment traced back to one particular relationship.
Then that friend got married and moved on. The day-to-day contact faded naturally. And almost immediately, my client started flourishing. She found a community of runners and people who were passionate about eating well. She stopped white-knuckling it. Health became part of her identity because it became part of her environment. That’s a success story — and honestly, the friendship shift wasn’t even intentional on her part.
The second story is harder to tell.
Early in my coaching career, I worked with someone who had a tight group of friends. They golfed together, had weekend get-togethers, and drank together regularly. On paper, a good life. But this person was medically unhealthy — more than 50 pounds overweight, pre-diabetic markers, struggling with basic daily function. Their doctor had made it clear: things needed to change.
We talked about it. I could see the crossroads clearly. Their friends weren’t interested in changing. None of them wanted to join the gym. The lifestyle their social circle revolved around ran directly counter to what my client needed for their health.
They chose their friends. They stopped coming. And I thought about that person for a long time after.
I’m not here to judge that decision — it’s genuinely hard. But I want to be honest with you about what I saw.
This Isn’t About Cutting People Off
Let me be clear: this is not a post telling you to ghost your friends, blow up your social circle, or declare some dramatic lifestyle manifesto at your next cookout.
This is about awareness.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying food, having a drink, relaxing with people you love. Life is meant to be lived. But if every time you try to build something healthier, the same relationships keep pulling you off course — that’s worth paying attention to. Not with judgment. With curiosity.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is invite a friend to come to the gym with you. To sign up for that 5K together. To try a new restaurant that happens to have food that doesn’t wreck your goals. Some friendships grow that way. People surprise you.
And sometimes — not always, but sometimes — the people around you aren’t able or willing to come along on this part of your journey. That’s okay too. It doesn’t mean you have to lose those friendships. But it may mean you need to build something in addition to what you already have. A gym community. A training partner. A group of people who think about health the way you’re starting to.
Environment Is Everything
We talk a lot about habits in the fitness world. Nutrition habits. Sleep habits. Training habits. And those matter enormously. But the environment those habits live inside matters just as much.
You can have the most disciplined mindset in the world, but if you’re constantly swimming upstream against your social environment, it is exhausting. It’s not weak to acknowledge that. It’s honest.
The people who make lasting change — not the 6-week transformation but the kind that actually sticks for years — tend to build their lives around health rather than cramming health into the margins of a life built around something else. That takes time. It doesn’t happen in a challenge or a program. It happens gradually, as the people and places and routines around you start to shift.
You Get to Decide
Here’s what I want you to sit with: you get to decide what kind of life you want to build. And the people in your life will either be part of that build — or they won’t. That’s not a condemnation of anyone. It’s just the reality of living intentionally.
If you’ve been showing up here consistently and still feel like you’re fighting the same battles every weekend — take a step back and look at the environment around you. Not with blame. With honesty. Because your health is worth protecting, and the life you’re trying to build deserves a foundation that supports it.
Change your friends’ fitness, or change your friends. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. But it does have to be real.
— Coach Emily